What makes a good life? Robert Waldinger's TED Talk

Robert Waldinger is the director of a 75 year long research study and has gathered a lot of data on what makes a good life. It is an excellent video reminding us of what really gives us happiness and satisfaction in life. The significant part is that most of it depends on social relationships and no where in the study does having a lot of sexual/romantic encounters, or how attractive our partners are, come in to play. Those things, while a lot of us are led to believe would make us happy, simply are not factors. We really would be much better off seeking partners that love and respect us for who we are and that we love and respect for who they are.

Statistical insights into happy relationships

What do happy couples do? The original authors titled this "The Science behind a happy relationship" but I think our title is more fitting. Here are the prominent behaviors and attitudes experts found in happy relationships.

There is a lot to learn here so do take your time and read through. The biggest take away I found was the importance of friendship in a relationship. The biggest factor, by far (a whopping %70,) in determining how happy people were with sex, romance, passion in their relationship was the quality of their friendship. Read that again. Even when it comes to "sex, romance, and passion" happy couples overwhelmingly credit the quality of their friendship, not looks or physical attraction, as the biggest determining factor of their satisfaction.

The data on fighting styles and negative/positive interactions also point to the importance of finding a pleasant partner that you can get along with, rather than an attractive one, if you want happiness.

Infographic source

Pursue a partner, not money, for happiness

According to a research conducted by the London School of Economics, involving 200,000 people, having a partner is one of the biggest factors in increasing happiness, about 3 times more of a factor than doubling one's income. Consider that for a second... Consider how happy you think you would be if your income was doubled, and consider this research -involving 200,000 people- suggesting that having a partner would make you so much more happier. Then consider whether you're spending more time pursuing money or a good partner.

This research has significant implications and should at least make us consider our priorities. Having a partner is a big factor in improving our happiness but by extension we see the importance of good companions. Improving our social life by building strong relationships with our partners and friends seem to be the most effective way to be content and happy.

We should recognize the significance of having a partner (and good friends) and make sure we use the best tools and methods to find and develop those relationships. PersonalityMatch.net was built for this very purpose.

Source article by BBC.com and Link to full research

An entertaining novel about a personality based partner search

Graeme Simsion's debut novel "The Rosie Project" is about a quirky and socially-awkward professor's methodical attempt at finding an ideal partner. It made me laugh and chuckle many times, and it has great insights about dating, flirting games, and how we go about finding a suitable partner. Besides being very entertaining, reading this book will definitely provide some definition and focus to a complex search that we all engage in at some point in our lives.

The book also made many points that confirmed my trust in the idea and the algorithm we set up at PersonalityMatch.net. Read it, enjoy yourself, and reconsider how you can make the most of the matching data we provide.

UC Berkeley's infographic on online dating

I think there is more relevant information for online-dating industry insiders here but there definitely are enough actionable and informative items here that this infographic is still very valuable to everyone interested in dating, online or otherwise.

Source

Talks at Google - The sexual "software" in our brains

 At his "Talks at Google" Ogi Ogas provides us a better understanding of our sexuality in his presentation based on the book he co-authored, "A Billion Wicked Thoughts." He and Sai Gaddam researched private online behavior of millions of men and women. Their findings are interesting and offer valuable insights into human desire.

Sex is a not the most important part of relationships but as we are all sexual beings, sexuality is an important part of life and influence relationships from day one, even when we are picking a potential partner. Understanding all aspects of relationships would make us better partners and help us be a part of healthier relationships.

Esther Perel's valuable insights into relationships

Whether already in a relationship or just looking for a special someone, there is much we can learn from Esther Perel, a psychotherapist noted for her expertise in relationships. She has many presentation and interview videos out there and I thought these two below were good sampling of the insights and wisdom she has to offer when it comes to being part of more healthy relationships.

Esther Perel on Sexual Desire, Relationships and Uncomfortable Conversations - with Ramit Sethi: 

The secret to desire in a long-term relationship | Esther Perel: 

If you are interested in learning more about her take on relationships check out her book Mating in Captivity.